Looking back to January 2013 I could hardly
believe the words out of the doctor's mouth. “You have
stage five renal failure with 10% of your kidneys
functioning.” He said it was not “life-threatening,” but
that
was not true. After researching it on the internet I
found
that it was indeed life threatening, and if I did
not go
on dialysis the disease would be fatal. Something
needed
to be done immediately.
I was sent to a kidney specialist. A true God-send
for
me. She is one of the best in her field, and I was truly
blessed the day she came into my life. She did a lot of
tests
from head to toe to rule out causes. She immediately
had me
get an iron infusion and a Procrit shot to help do
what
my kidneys could no longer do.
During this time I prayed for a miracle and expected
one. I
believed I had faith to have one, since I had
previously experienced major health scares. Maybe
I was
praying for the wrong thing.
My prayers for a miracle were ongoing. I had
Priesthood blessings which gave me much peace and
comfort. I had many people praying for me which filled
me with
gratitude for such love, support, and being
alive.
However, I did not feel my prayers were being
heard.
That was one of the hardest times through this
experience. I had previously received fast answers to
my
prayers that I was shocked when I felt I wasn't
receiving any answers. That went on for three months
with no
answers. It felt dark, and I hated that void in
my
life...not feeling that my Heavenly Father was right
there
with me. During that time I had some depressed
days;
Let's call them “pity party” days. Thank goodness
they
were few and far between, but I learned and grew
through
them all.
One thing I discovered was that I needed to
mourn
the loss of my kidneys like the death of a loved
one. I
was going through the emotions without realizing
it,
essentially experiencing the five stages of grief.
I was lucky. I went through the denial, some
depression, and then acceptance. Most of the time, I
just
wanted to know what Heavenly Father wanted me
to
learn from this so that I could move on. However,
I
quickly learned that my time was different than His,
things were on His timetable, he had numerous things
for
me to experience. It was going to be an interesting
journey..,
Posts
